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😰 I have severe 'purchasing anxiety'

😰 I have severe 'purchasing anxiety'
By Sumeru Raut • Issue #25 • View online
Hi friends,
Congratulations on not punching anyone in the face this week. It’s Sunday Slant #25—"silver jubilee". (Also, I need a favour)

I was confined to my room and glued to my laptop this week; watching one too many videos and researching about tech gear.
‘Researching stuff before buying’ is an issue with me.
I thought I had gotten better in the last six months, but doesn’t look like it. I still ‘research’ for longer than I should.
It’s a problem.
I have always been anti-stuff. I hate ‘stuff’. I own very little of it. This isn’t due to experience, it’s just my natural predisposition; an attitude passed down from my grandmother and my parents. I’ve disliked owning stuff way before minimalism became trendy. (Ugh, that word)
I love my grandmother a lot. I spent very many vacations with her as a kid (mom’s mom). She is an overachiever. She fed many mouths as a young person, became a grandmother at 44, had a successful double career—as a manager at a day job and a theatre/tv actress—and recently healed a broken hip. Today, she calls me on WhatsApp (why I still have the terrible app), sends voice notes, emojis and types in multiple languages. She sends gifs. She is 83.
'papa' means 'baby' 👵 👶
'papa' means 'baby' 👵 👶
The one thing she has been throughout her life is non-materialistic. Her simplicity influenced me hugely growing up.
That doesn’t mean she won’t tell me from time to time “if you become too creative, at least you need a wife who will make money and feed you”.
She is one of the funniest people I know. Her endless wit and sarcasm cracks me up. Did I tell you I love her a lot?
(I am saving writing about her for my 100th blog post.)
My mother is very similar to my granny in that she seldom buys anything. But she has a different problem; she can’t let go of ‘stuff’ and will keep things from years ago, in the hope that it will be useful to her or “someone”. This turned me into a person who abhors owning stuff. Not to mention, my dad hates stuff.
And in my twenties, I watched people froth at the mouth while discussing their latest purchase—phones, car, TV, clothes, gadgets. The fetish and rat-race pushed me further away from buying shit I didn’t need.
I must mention all this “coincides” with my ultra-low bank balance. Often, I just don’t have the money to buy stuff, probably because it has rarely been my priority.
I go to the supermarket with a list. Always. I pick the exact supplies on the list and dash towards the exit. I return things from Amazon aggressively.
But I realised this week, my reluctance to press ‘buy’ has gone to the extreme. I have tipped over and developed a severe ‘purchasing anxiety’.
Earlier this week, I spent more than two days researching the best value-for-money tripod, in addition to some other tech thingies. After careful picking and choosing, I added the items to my cart. But I let it sit there for another two days. I don’t know what miracle I was waiting for. I was unsure if I had made the right choice and if I needed it all in the first place.
I’ve never owned a tripod. I need one to shoot. I’m a filmmaker. This is work. But I just couldn’t stop feeling like I was being wasteful. The permutations and combinations I made with “renting vs owning vs do I need it now” were endless. I slept at 4 am for two nights in a row.
I eventually had to call my girlfriend and discuss my cart items to get a different perspective. We decided that I could ditch one item. But despite this, I sat there, hesitant to buy other things I had taken days to research. My girlfriend stayed on video call for 45 minutes encouraging me to finally press ‘buy’ and I made my way through it. Phew.
Once it was done, I felt such relief. I relaxed. Then I started worrying about—"what tf is wrong with me?“
Anxiety acts out is many ways. I need to act before this one becomes a classic in my life. I would like to end on a philosophical note: if I sought help with this issue, would it still be called retail therapy?
Have a great one!
Sumeru
P.S. I’ve just not been able to write I hope I can this week. We’ll see!
🎉 Sunday Slant turns 25!
This is the 25th issue of my newsletter. Thank you for sticking around and reading my email for 25 weeks. I truly appreciate it!
I have a favour to ask. Can you forward my newsletter to one friend (or foe) who you think would enjoy my nonsense? You can forward this issue or ask them to visit SundaySlant.com
This newsletter is where I will be most genuine about everything I think, say and do. Thanks again!
Sony Mix Voices
Sony Mix Voices
I couldn’t record a song this week. But here’s a video from a promo shoot from for Sony from 2012. Lol.
❤️ Things I liked this week
  • Do things that don’t scale - I might have heard of this essay for as long as it has been in existence. I finally got around to reading it. This essay, by Paul Graham, was worth all the hype. It is a lesson in ‘user acquisition’.
  • This 20 minute movie by Casey about being a father is so moving. Beautiful.
  • This fantastic 23 min video explains YouTube virality. Lovely old school presentation.
  • This Casey vlog, 7 mins long, on camera gear vs storytelling. Casey’s videos age so beautifully.
  • This interesting article on the creator economy and the upcoming ‘new renaissance’.
  • This 8 minute rant video about age, accomplishments and social media. Completely resonated with me. Can’t wait to get wiser.
  • What does Amazon do? This 2017 Quartz article on Amazon. I was looking for masks this week, making my way through counterfeit ones on amazon and I had the question ‘Is Amazon just a courier company?’.
  • r/PhonesAreBad is forum on reddit that makes fun of ‘criticism of smartphones’. Sometimes we just like to shit on technology. Comic below:
I love reddit
I love reddit
🐦 Tweet of the week
Tim Urban
The path of a maturing thinker. In order to get to Grown-Up Mountain and start real learning, you have to brave the cold winds of Insecure Canyon. If you're not willing to say "I don't know" for a while, you might spend your whole life on Child’s Hill. https://t.co/8YT6emJcB3
I think I have been in the ‘insecure canyon’ for the past two years. 2021 has all been about making my way out of it :)
Did you enjoy this issue?
Sumeru Raut

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