The one thing she has been throughout her life is non-materialistic. Her simplicity influenced me hugely growing up.
That doesn’t mean she won’t tell me from time to time “if you become too creative, at least you need a wife who will make money and feed you”.
She is one of the funniest people I know. Her endless wit and sarcasm cracks me up. Did I tell you I love her a lot?
(I am saving writing about her for my 100th blog
My mother is very similar to my granny in that she seldom buys anything. But she has a different problem; she can’t let go of ‘stuff’ and will keep things from years ago, in the hope that it will be useful to her or “someone”. This turned me into a person who abhors owning stuff. Not to mention, my dad hates stuff.
And in my twenties, I watched people froth at the mouth while discussing their latest purchase—phones, car, TV, clothes, gadgets. The fetish and rat-race pushed me further away from buying shit I didn’t need.
I must mention all this “coincides” with my ultra-low bank balance. Often, I just don’t have the money to buy stuff, probably because it has rarely been my priority.
I go to the supermarket with a list. Always. I pick the exact supplies on the list and dash towards the exit. I return things from Amazon
But I realised this week, my reluctance to press ‘buy’ has gone to the extreme. I have tipped over and developed a severe ‘purchasing anxiety’.
Earlier this week, I spent more than two days researching the best value-for-money tripod, in addition to some other tech thingies. After careful picking and choosing, I added the items to my cart. But I let it sit there for another two days. I don’t know what miracle I was waiting for. I was unsure if I had made the right choice and if I needed it all in the first place.
I’ve never owned a tripod. I need one to shoot. I’m a filmmaker. This is work. But I just couldn’t stop feeling like I was being wasteful. The permutations and combinations I made with “renting vs owning vs do I need it now” were endless. I slept at 4 am for two nights in a row.
I eventually had to call my girlfriend and discuss my cart items to get a different perspective. We decided that I could ditch one item. But despite this, I sat there, hesitant to buy other things I had taken days to research. My girlfriend stayed on video call for 45 minutes encouraging me to finally press ‘buy’ and I made my way through it. Phew.
Once it was done, I felt such relief. I relaxed. Then I started worrying about—"what tf is wrong with me?“
Anxiety acts out is many ways. I need to act before this one becomes a classic in my life. I would like to end on a philosophical note: if I sought help with this issue, would it still be called retail therapy?
Have a great one!
P.S. I’ve just not been able to write I hope I can this week. We’ll see!